Monday, 4 April 2011

04:45

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The clock is slowly moving beyond 4 and is getting ready to announce that the clock is nearer to 5 in the morning. I haven't slept 1 minute of tonight. I've been sitting in my rocking chair, thinking, watched satc, written two stories, read blogs I really didn't like and felt sorry for myself. The worst part is that I thought it would be such a cliché if I fell asleep on the bathroom floor. So I tried to, without success.

What is wrong with me?Why can't I sleep? Why do I need sleeping pills to enter the world of dreams? It's like they're my passport or something and I'm not allowed to close my eyes without them. Too bad I forgot them at my mom's. Why does it happen every time I feel the slightest of pressure? Stupid body. I hate it when people say that you are the master of your own body. You aren't. Do they really think that grown men would choose to stare at womens breast if they could try not to? OK, maybe that was a bad example. But if you could control you own body then at least I think that there would be significant lower number of crying women in the world. They would get a grip of themselves and move on.
Well. When I have as much time on my hand as I have now (I'm not gonna start my studies until 06:00 am.) I have a lot of time to think about all the things I wish was happening right now. I wish I got replies from the jobs I've been applying to, I wish it was autumn again, I wish I was closer to getting to England, I wish I knew where in England I was going to, I wish I was more outgoing and I wish I had enough inspiration to write a book and be happy about the finished product. I realized earlier today that my dream is to work together with a photographer and he/she would take pictures, I would write small poems/quotes and we'll make it into a book. A beautiful coffee table book. Enough now. I am busy. I have out-of-window-staring scheduled for 04:45.
Goodbye.  


1 comment:

WaiYana said...

nice blog :)
funny that i was in the same situation as you were. xx

check out my blog. :)