Wednesday, 22 February 2017

although the heart still beats
and the mouth still catches breath
I know not where the soul and body meets
what it means to be living, when I will fall to my death
There is no sparkle left in the eyes
nor are the cheeks painted with glow
what is truth and why are lies
is the flesh an honest friend or a simple foe?
we pave our way with greedy arms
with corrupted hearts we are wed
but when we are ghosts of greed and charms
is life most valuable dead?

Thursday, 2 February 2017


and suddenly he knew
no explanation needed
she was leaving, they were through
he had not seen where he was leaded. 
her cheeks tearstreaked
her heart bleeding out 
she knew their love had peaked
there was no other route. 

Thursday, 5 January 2017

New beginnings

A year has come and gone. Personally it has been one of the most challenging in my life so far. It has brought me to my knees, had me crying and screaming in agony, and most of all; it has made me realise that I was wrong. Although the year ended, my painful chapter has not. It is anyhow silly to presume that years are chapters. Why is the ending of 31th December any more significant than lets say 11th July? It is not. It is just society (that bloody sosciety) telling you that it is. It is society suggesting that when 31th ends you need to have come up with a better version of yourself. But in the end, no matter how hard you try to keep your resolutions throughout the year, you will most likely glide into old habits. Why? Because you are trying to change who you are. What we like, how we react and what we feel is not something you can change by a tick of a clock. My opinion is that it has to come naturally or it is doomed. Something or someone has to happen in order to change you as a person. When that happens it will be easy. Trust me. Or don't.


I've started to get angry again. Angry that I do not perform like I should, that I don't work like other people. That I can't. I try. But something needs to happen. Something needs to change. Do I really want what I think it is that I want? I think I would be quite sathisfied with a small job and a small life. But then other days I am not. The mind truly is a curious place. I do not understand it. I cannot fathom that I let the scary corners of my mind define and control me. It is not as if I like it, but when some drawers has been opened it is difficult to squeeze what was inside, back down. It floods the floors, creating havoc everywhere. Some of the contents are just feelings too big for the rooms. A dark matter that breaks the windows and takes to the streets if you can call thoughts streets. That's what it feels like sometimes.


I'm not going to spend this year crying over how hard I was beaten by 2016. I am going to use it to get aquainted with myself. I will use it as a lifeboat down the toughest streams of consciousness. And dear reader, do not fear that I will lose the battle, because I have been fighting for what is soon 9 long years and I always manage to submerge long enough to draw in a deep breath. I hope the end of 2017 will be a long, sathisfying breath of clean air. That would be a nice change.

Wednesday, 5 October 2016

Put your heart out on a lim
tell yourself you´re ready - let them in
they come marchin', torches blazing
my dear, what where you chasing?
with their knife they cut you deep
with mouth shut, you silently weep

Here comes the encore
honey, can you take more?
Trampled on the ground
still you make no sound
They tire and discard the knife
my sweet, you lead a tragic life

Sunday, 18 October 2015

Wicked games

what wicked games we play
do we ever mean the words we say?
Is there any truth in who we claim to be?
Have we lost touch with true reality?

We meet, we greet, we walk away
nothing left to feel, to want, to say
humans so detached 
our dreams so farfetched

we take what we want and leave nothing
we cut strings without a shred of feeling
the world is growing further apart
are we evolving past having a heart?

Thursday, 8 October 2015



It's bleak outside. Dark clouds are surrounding the mountains, the houses, the city I left you for. Memories of you are jumping out from behind every corner I turn, every song I hear. Ghosts are haunting me when I close my eyes. I can't sleep. Whispers of words spoken can be heard in every gust of wind. It's cold. It's empty. I want to tell you about the things I have seen, done and thought, but you are not there to listen. I have started a new journey, but you are not to be found in the passenger seat. I have to travel alone. It is lonely. Your radiance shone on every aspect of my life, now the remaining light is weak. Every part of my day is a reminder of you. Taking a shower, smoking a cigarette, watching tv, going for a walk, listening to music, watching a film. You are ever present. You are still a part. You are still the most incredible person I have ever met. You are still there in everything. I cannot be alone. The hunger for you pulls me under. You cannot be washed away. Not ever. Like the scar on your arm from the time I acidentally scratched you, you persist on being imprinted on my very soul. He would have loved this, he would have laughed, he would have cared, he would have wanted to go, he would never have said that, he would have made it better. Everytime. You are not there when I wake up, not there during the day and not there when I go to bed. You are absent. You are living your life. I wish I could see you live it. I cannot. You are not patience, not kind, not loving, not funny, not anymore. Not to me. I am no longer your plus one. I am only minus you. But I breathe you. I hear your voice in crowds, but you are not there. I talk of you, but not to you. Our life together is becoming a distant memory. To me there are only good ones. Only good fights, good tears, good mistakes, because they were with you. I will always love you. Everything in my life is temporary, changing, fading, but not that. This is the only true truth I know. It is not to be argued with, not to be shaken and not to be changed. It hurts knowing this truth. But it is a good pain. Because I am hurting over you. I would not want to have it any other way. I know that one day you will find her. The one. She who deserves you, makes you happy, completes you. I do not really care if I find anybody. I was already luckier than anybody deserves to be at such a young age. I had you. I will hate her. I will. But only because she will be what I never could be. She will have you. I hate her already although I do not even know if she exists yet. Just do not forget me. I beg you. Please do not only remeber what I lacked but also our travels, our laughs, our love and everything that was only ours. And most importantly - be happy. Please. I am not sure what anybody in this world deserves or does not, but I know that from all of us you are the one who deserves happiness the most. Live, love, laugh. Maybe we meet again. If we are meant to.
I miss you.

- Me

Monday, 14 September 2015

Paths are parting

All your life, all the time
questions of self follow you around
who to be and what to think 
will I sail or shall I sink?

Come the day of darkness
the day that feels so hopeless
when you have grown too weak
the demons dancing in your street

who do I let in?
do I choose me or him?
Will it all go up in flames
Shall I like the person that remains?

Thursday, 13 August 2015


I tried to like you for awhile
'Though you always acted like a child
believing yourself always right
oh dear, what poor self-insight
you said you don't care
Although you secretly fear
to become insignificant
while you're painfully ignorant
one day you'll hit the wall
but there won't be someone to call
you might have a phone
but you're all alone
because they don't give a fuck
your heart is a rock

Wednesday, 10 June 2015


let yourself believe that the world is not a place for a monster
although its tearing out the light that shone there
treating your flesh like an open buffet
while you wait for it to all fade to grey
they are creeping in the darkness feeling no shame
your vounerable body feels that it's to blame
you cry, you struggle
but for it you're no trouble
 scratching and screaming all in vain
it got what it came for and left you insane

Wednesday, 13 May 2015

ode to summer

The sun makes everything pretty. Every alley, every house, every smile.
The people in the streets are glowing. I can't help but watch for awhile.
The forest is full of life. Birds join eagerly in conversation.
I rub my bare feet in the sand. It is a beautiful sensation.
The smell of the grass, the strawberries, sunscreen and tan.
Music in the park, bonfire in the night, when we walk hand in hand.
the sunshine paints freckles on our noses, the air is full of vibration.
The cowbells chime in the distance. The whole world is on vacation.

Thursday, 5 February 2015

You´re the sun that warms my face
your kindness and love a delightful maze
I’m not scared of getting lost or tired
Because tight to your heart I’m always wired
So send me your kisses so lovely
I’ll save them for rainy days when I’m lonely
Little did I know a love like this to exist
or that my darling could be so painfully missed
Never shall you doubt my affections to be true
My sweet angel, never forget - I love you.


can you hear that - not a sound
they are sleeping - not around
when the world is quiet - my mind set fires
screaming, aching - it never tires
               one eye shut - the other crying
            one more night -  I feel like dying

Thursday, 8 January 2015

There is hope

The sun will rise and shine its beams
upon the fishes in the river streams
The breeze will dance and caress your cheek
whilst the birds out of there nests will peak
There will be laughter, song and happiness
All the sorrows felt before so meaningless
You'll see there is no need to elope
turn your face to the sky - there is hope

Thursday, 23 October 2014

Each night spent the same
searching for answers all in vain
wandering and looking for something true
something beautiful that will purify and make the old new
fumbling around in endless shadows 
when all that's desired is floating in meadows
the screams of sorrow echoing in your soul
do you find that truth that makes you whole?

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

The struggle inside of me
is it really invisible, so hard to see?
Can you not see me gasp for air
how I grasp my heart in fear
This chaos tearing down my walls
is it not loud when the darkness falls?
These demons toying with my sanity
can you not hear their snarls so far from humanity?

As I crumble on the ground
with lights of warning all around
I see my life for what it was
an endless stream of suffering and loss
The soul cannot take flight
The body too tired to fight
The light seems to flicker no more
what is it that I'm looking for?