It's bleak outside. Dark clouds are surrounding the mountains, the houses, the city I left you for. Memories of you are jumping out from behind every corner I turn, every song I hear. Ghosts are haunting me when I close my eyes. I can't sleep. Whispers of words spoken can be heard in every gust of wind. It's cold. It's empty. I want to tell you about the things I have seen, done and thought, but you are not there to listen. I have started a new journey, but you are not to be found in the passenger seat. I have to travel alone. It is lonely. Your radiance shone on every aspect of my life, now the remaining light is weak. Every part of my day is a reminder of you. Taking a shower, smoking a cigarette, watching tv, going for a walk, listening to music, watching a film. You are ever present. You are still a part. You are still the most incredible person I have ever met. You are still there in everything. I cannot be alone. The hunger for you pulls me under. You cannot be washed away. Not ever. Like the scar on your arm from the time I acidentally scratched you, you persist on being imprinted on my very soul. He would have loved this, he would have laughed, he would have cared, he would have wanted to go, he would never have said that, he would have made it better. Everytime. You are not there when I wake up, not there during the day and not there when I go to bed. You are absent. You are living your life. I wish I could see you live it. I cannot. You are not patience, not kind, not loving, not funny, not anymore. Not to me. I am no longer your plus one. I am only minus you. But I breathe you. I hear your voice in crowds, but you are not there. I talk of you, but not to you. Our life together is becoming a distant memory. To me there are only good ones. Only good fights, good tears, good mistakes, because they were with you. I will always love you. Everything in my life is temporary, changing, fading, but not that. This is the only true truth I know. It is not to be argued with, not to be shaken and not to be changed. It hurts knowing this truth. But it is a good pain. Because I am hurting over you. I would not want to have it any other way. I know that one day you will find her. The one. She who deserves you, makes you happy, completes you. I do not really care if I find anybody. I was already luckier than anybody deserves to be at such a young age. I had you. I will hate her. I will. But only because she will be what I never could be. She will have you. I hate her already although I do not even know if she exists yet. Just do not forget me. I beg you. Please do not only remeber what I lacked but also our travels, our laughs, our love and everything that was only ours. And most importantly - be happy. Please. I am not sure what anybody in this world deserves or does not, but I know that from all of us you are the one who deserves happiness the most. Live, love, laugh. Maybe we meet again. If we are meant to.
I miss you.