Friday, 20 September 2013

a declaration of love to him

one and a half years ago I met a boy. I say boy but he was more a man. At least thats what he looked like from the outside. Even though the time we have known each other is only a small chapter of our lives, I have difficulties figuring out how I could wake up every morning and be happy without knowing him. It's strange to think about that someone who is defining my life and happiness now, was not even in my life this time two years ago. Someone who takes my breath away everyday, and someone who never stops making me laugh, and never stops making me love him more. Our love isn't perfect. Nothing is perfect. If it was perfect then the perfection would be an imperfection. His imperfection is what I love the most. A crooked nose and an odd shaped front tooth. His passion once he puts his mind to something, before he puts it away again to make room for some other great idea. I love his heavy breath on my skin when he is fast asleep, and how he wakes up in the middle of the night, kisses me and goes back to sleep.

I even love how capable he is of hurting me. How I cry my eyes out if I make him angry or sad. I beg for forgiveness, and he will look me straight in the eye, pull me close and kiss me like nothing ever happened. Then he wipes my tears and we laugh. The boy I met in York has meant more to me than any other person in the world could ever mean. Every moment away from him is a moment lost. When he is not around I am only half a soul. He has grown to become a part of who I have become over the past year. I have learned so much and grown so much. I have changed a lot. We have changed together. We have grown to know how the other feels and what the other thinks. We know what scares and what warms the heart. Him and I became a we. It doesn't matter if we are angry - we still hold hands while we walk down the street. When I don't deserve him that's when I want and need him the most. And I want to be his when he deserves it the least. It's impossible to describe the feeling I get when I think about him. He is not here at the moment. I am alone, and have been for weeks. I feel numb. I am waiting everyday. Nothing seems important anymore. I can't bring myself to do anything useful. But I know he will be back, and then as always I will run towards him and throw myself in his arms and refuse to let go. Then once again he and I will become we.

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